Most Kenyan bachelors and bachelorettes are good at exercising a sense of their true self when they are away from the blare of scrutiny or anyone who can judge their behavior. Walk to any Bachelor’s house at any random day unannounced and you will probably find him smashing ugali matumbo right from the sufuria. He will also be bare chest during this time. Here are ten weird things Kenyan Bachelors and Bacheloretes do while in their houses alone.
Kukula kwa sufuria
Yes , a Kenyan bachelor will cook ugali and smash it right from the sufuria alongside vegetables in another sufuria. The math here is that there is no need to waste utensils as the time for cleaning or kuosha masahani could be used for other “productive” activities.
Walking naked
That bachelor next door has no qualms removing all the clothes and remaining with her bath suit whenever he is alone. He will remove his shirt when eating ugali fry or mayai for maximum enjoyment. One will only enjoy such luxuries when there is nobody else in sight.
Dancing provocatively
The chap could be quiet and cool out there but watch him secretly when he is in his bedsitter alone. You will not believe your eyes if you bump into him unexpectedly as he will be exhibiting latest dance moves that can only be seen on TV.
Taking illicit substances
He is the youth leader in the neighbouring church but occasionally he secretly buys these cheap liquor and enjoys them out of the public glare. That is why you will find him tipsy during morning hours at the local shop. An abrupt search in his cubicle will unearth several liquor bottles and forgotten packets of condoms tucked under his bed.
Talking alone
You may think he is conversing with someone else inside the house but a peep inside will tell you he is a lone. This is a guy who is truly talented in having a meeting with himself where he is the secretary, chairman and member. He can even go ahead and sing all sounds, base, tenor, soprano, and alto.
Strange food combinations
It is rare to find someone taking ugali uji when in the presence of others. But that bachelor next door enjoys this combination to the core. This is common especially mwezi kona when there is no money to purchase milk and the trip to the local mama mboga is unthought of due to accumulating debts. The chap will therefore consider taking uji na kiporo ya jana so as to avoid unnecessary stress.
Farting loudly
The bachelorette will fart loudly complete with associated sound without any remorse even if she is the middle of her dinner. Woe unto you if you go there unannounced and insist on entering her house on an urgent mission. You will be forced to endure the bad odour in her room which she insists is a rat that died in an undisclosed location.
Building castles in the air
He will be sitting at the coach doing nothing significant other than meditating on life issues. The dude will sit there for four straight hours, not listening to the radio nor watching TV or doing anything substantive. It turns out that the meditation is about building residential flats and buying latest car models upon winning that Lotto jackpot.
Two hours in the bathroom
Yes, the chap will spend close to two hours in the bathroom while enjoying the hot shower which is solar powered. The place also acts as his studio room from where he composes music with the sound of the running water providing perfect rhythm. There is no one to pressure him so he uses the maximum time possible.
Watching cartoons
This one has special fascination for cartoons, including Tom and Cherry characters. However, he will rather keep the secret to himself to avoid backlash from friends, colleagues or significant others. Despite him approaching the 4th floor, he will be tucked in his one room house watching cartoons and other similar programmes on his TV. Interestingly, he will never switch on those programmes whenever there is someone around to avoid certain perceptions or unnecessary questions.
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